I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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