You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There's always time for handjobs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
