I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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