I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
