I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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