3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
