Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
