I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize