So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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