I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
