She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
