I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
