Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize