He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
