Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
