did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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