I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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