**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
