you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
