i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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