even my farts smell like vagina
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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