i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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