he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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