I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
