Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
