o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my sisters under your porch take her home
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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