We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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