i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
