trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
