I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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