Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
