i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
