Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
