Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
