Kiss
Puke
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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