The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
