I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
