I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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