i already hear my dad disowning me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
