I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
