the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
