Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
