I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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