My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
