U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
