O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize