theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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