My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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