Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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