I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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