doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
