its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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