This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
