using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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