Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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