Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
