im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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