So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize