i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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