Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
