Having a random hookup so left but love u
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
