I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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