singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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