I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
