I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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