I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
