bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
