apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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